she never mentions the word addiction~~~~~~
subdued

~~~~~~2001-09-12

patriotism across the lands
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redniko*cubicle girl*kuinileti*boy-ashamed*beautifulson*torrez*the fool*the silence*blue kitten*ewige*reality is shy*spanklin*penguin queen*the darkness



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04/16/06*04/16/06b*04/16/06c*8/13/02*08/03/02 5:08 p.m.
and in the waning moments of intense disbelief and apprehension, my first thought is i want to leave. not the u.s., but here, athens, my life of school and pool and boys and not enough money and too much work. i want to go to new york and be one of those people picking up slabs of stone and sweeping the street and washing the windows of the businesses still left standing. i want to help and i dont feel like i can do that here. i will not enlist, it is not my role.


i fear. its a feeling i'm unused to and i dont like it. a constant tension in the muscles thats making my whole body sore. at this point, im mostly scaring myself. yesterday and until about 3 hours ago, it was a bona fide fear for loved ones. but i hear the words dancing in my head, taps shoes newly bought, not yet dulled with use, constant rhythm of newly perfected dance steps oft repeated with pride. war. nuclear. conscription. draft. enlist. strike. burn. destroy. retaliate.


the timber of the day at school was decidedly different. quiet prevailed. you heard no people shouting across the quad to friends, very few sounds of laughter. some smiled, if only briefly. everyone and everything was subdued. it even seemed the birds didnt chirp as loudly and the colours were dimmed, but that was probably just my imagination. on breaks, students sat whereever they could and stared transfixed at the televisions tuned to cnn and nbc. inside my classes, there was very little of the usual pre-lecture chit chat other than making sure everyone's loved ones were accounted for. not one word was spoken about the events of yesterday by my professors. not a word of condolence, sympathy, comfort...nothing. i, personally, was incensed about that, and will be writing to them to tell them as much. i was one of the lucky ones. i lost no one that i can think of to this. but i lost what all americans lost yesterday. and like the people who will never return, neither will that.


my co-workers keep coming by asking what the latest news is and so forth and so on and it makes me angry. the way they say we. not one of them has been here longer than two years (of the ones who are here today) and not one of them is an american citizen. its irrational and wrong, but its making me angry. they come from a place where this is more common than it is here so maybe they understand the feelings im having better than i do. but its making me angry. they ask about strikes in their 7-11 indian accents and i just want to tell them to go home. i am not a racist. these people are my friends. its also making me feel worse that im having these feelings. they wont be the ones who go to fight when it comes down to it, they wont be the ones watching their loved ones leave for perhaps the last time. they wont feel the emptiness left when so many of our nations young men and women are sent into battle.


to those who are calling for no retaliatory action. perhaps you are not familiar with the way bullying works, and i am happy for you if you are not. you cannot back down and show fear. i understand wanting no more loss of life, however, should we not send a strong, quick, and forceful message or we will condemn ourselves to a future much like that of the protestants and catholics in ireland, the israelis and the palestines in the middle east, or even the warring factions of the former czechoslovakia. we will find ourselves inundated with people thinking they can push us around and will be forced to spend billions on defending ourselves and an immesurable amount in loss of life. i'll be the first one to say, i dont want my father to have to go. he's already served in one war and is 1 year away from retirement. but he's a high tech weapons specialist, he's got combat experience, and he's one of the most senior officers in his infantry. if he's called, i'll proudly wear the ribbon of hope for him and pray for his safe return. i spent all of yesterday saying our fathers for everyone and everything under the sun...i can continue to do that.


to anyone who has anything negative to say about the u.s. or positive to say about the people who did this or the reason this was done.....g e t o u t. now. before we find you and serve you up to satan like the evil being you are. dont ever come back. now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country. this however, does not mean to go take all the foreigners out back and beat them. its amazing to me that something like 65% of americans dont know that there were concentration camps in the u.s. during wwII. this is not the time to let that mentality return.


my time at work here is drawing to a close and i will once again return home and glue myself to cnn. i may go home, but if gas prices have risen any more today, i probably wont. good night and may god bless you and keep you safe.


one last thing...tomorrow is american pride day. wear your red white and blue. hang a flag. hum the national anthem all day. kiss a vet(eran).


i'm proud to be an american
where at least i know i'm free
and i wont forget the men who died
who gave that right to me
and i'll gladly stand up next to you
and defend her still today
cuz there aint no doubt i love this land
god bless the u.s.a.

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