she never mentions the word addiction~~~~~~
i feel a change coming


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04/16/06*04/16/06b*04/16/06c*8/13/02*08/03/02 9:24 p.m.
so, it feels like a breakup, except that i haven't been in a relationship/on a date/slept with anyone in, well, a really long time. but today feels different, like a fresh start. and its been building for a while now, i think. im tired of my job, but i love my boss and the people i work with. i'm tired of never having any money despite scrimping and saving (last week notwithstanding). i'm tired of hearing about how my skills are so in demand and being promised that they will be leveraged in my current job and being in the SAME place. i realize i am luckier than many. stable job, good friends, house i love, car i love, healthy. i love my friends, but i need some new ones. i'll never meet anyone hanging out with the same people at the same places where no one new ever comes in (unless it's friend's new boy or girl.) and i guess this is all a function of going back to school (if you call 6 months a break) but i'm actually in classes instead of online and there are people there i've never met before and they are of *my world.* they are techies and technophiles and they speak the language and are much better at many things than i am, but i'm also finding i may have more skills than i think i do. and i am worth more than 31,000 measly dollars a year after 6 years, earning my bachelors, and pretty much running my work world on my own.

and maybe, just maybe, i'm a little more disturbed by this whole round number birthday looming on the horizon than i'd like to admit. i'm not saying i'm hearing a giant clock screaming have a kid, get married, settle down. but i have been in a rut and now i am *finally* pulling my life back on track. i have the house, i will have my masters when i'm 30, i have an idea of what i want to do and i like my geographic location. i am still obsessed with teen soap dramas. and law and order. and csi. and nip/tuck. i seem to be becoming much more set in my ways. i am turning into my uncles, which is good and bad. and i thought maybe the need to dress like a girl and wear lipgloss and jewelry was because of the crush on cute boy in class, but i don't think it is. i'm not sure i even like him. he's pretty, but he's younger and less mature and many other undesirable things. and it's moot because he likes my carpool friend, which i totally don't get. but that's a story for another day.

so, in closing, i feel a change coming.

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