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older!rings!cast!join!sign!contact!rank!bmd, inc! redniko*cubicle girl*kuinileti*boy-ashamed*beautifulson*torrez*the fool*the silence*blue kitten*ewige*reality is shy*spanklin*penguin queen*the darkness < -- > |
| 04/16/06*04/16/06b*04/16/06c*8/13/02*08/03/02 | 5:17 p.m. and so the litany of sleepless nights continues. and the nightmares begin. maybe commuting from my parents house wouldnt be so bad. it felt so real, the nightmare. it was an image that played in my head all day. i dont know why and i pray to god with all my might it is not a premonition. i dont remember much except the fear. and the sensation of the earth shaking. and watching the ocean ripple like a pond with so many rocks skipped across the surface. i dont know where i was, except in a chilis-applebys-bennigans style restaurant. i dont know where it happened, presumably new york, though. the announcers were talking about the launching of a space shuttle. i saw the rockets blast and the shuttle headed up, like it was supposed to, but when it got a little ways up, it tipped over sideways and fell back to earth. it was packed with explosives. and i heard someone say, "took out a piece of the u.s. the size of japan." and when i awoke, i flipped on cnn to be sure that hadnt happened. i never did like to sleep much anyway. perhaps the most naive thing ive heard someone say so far is that we shouldnt go bombing anyone because the perpetrators of the crime are already dead. and its like when i hear someone use the n word in a not friendly way. my mouth hangs open and when i go to speak, i look like an out of water fish, my mouth just opening and closing. thats like the insurance companies saying to those wwII concentration camp survivors they wouldnt pay the claims because they had no death certificates. if you truly believe those 14 (i think thats right) men pulled this off alone, with no guidance or assistance from anyone else, i'd like to live in your world. or maybe not. ignorance is bliss, or so they say, so i guess these people must be pretty damn happy right now that the threat of future terrorist actions is gone. i hope no one has been the victim of price gouging. there is already one place that i am refusing to frequent here because they shot their gas prices up and havent brought them down with the rest of the city. please be extremely wary of people calling now, offering you life/health insurance, asking for donations for the victims, and such things as this. please go through the proper channels to donate money to any organization. if you have not already donated blood, plasma and plateletes are needed more than whole blood. tomorrow night at 7pm, we are asking that everyone stop what they are doing and go outside and light a candle. if you are so inclined, say a prayer. and still i want to go and lay hands on those suffering. or take water to the fire fighters. encourage them to eat, to drink, to rest so that they may continue to be of help and not hurt themselves in the process. i am trying not to think that in less days than anyone wants to believe, we may be forced to surrender our young men to battle. that we already have put some of them on alert because they have chosen that life. i look around me and wonder who will go. who will choose, who will be forced, who will be spared because of children or education or ailments or age? what will happen when wall street opens again on monday? will there be a nation who extends a helping hand to rebuild ny as we have done so very many times in the past? i am playing the what if game and losing. i am spinning the magic 8 ball and all it says is try again later. and i cant force myself back into my mundane existance. to care about getting expense reports out or whats the bride and grooms first song or entrance music and what do i wear and where is it? i want to go home and curl up next to my mom. and i keep listening to them talking about people calling from the rubble on their cell phones. knowing it will haunt me for the rest of my life. knowing it is nothing compared to the rescue workers out there. trinity63 As we drove, we also noticed that price gouging was happening. This made me angry. Three dollars a gallon for gasoline. I confronted an owner of a gas station, and just looked at him and said, �Why are you taking advantage of us after what just happened?� He looked at me and said, �You Americans are pigs� I became frightened for a moment, then super angry, and I took a deep breath and said, �You come to our country, and allow us to house you, educate you, and make a good life for you, and you tell me we are pigs. If we are such pigs then GO HOME and get out of MY COUNTRY! We don�t NEED your KIND here!� I didn�t care at that moment in time, if he would have shot me dead or not. I was that angry. i cant remember the last day i didnt cry at least once. all i have to do is think about the interviews with the families of the people on the planes who called their families before they died. i ached in a place i had thought was too deep to hurt and cried. Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name, Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven, give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil, for Thine is the Kingdom, and the Power, and the Glory forever and ever. Amen. yea, though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, i will fear no assholes from bin laden, for Thou art with me. the path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepards the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brothers keeper and the finder of lost children. and i will strike down upon thee with great vengence and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. and you will know my name is the Lord when i lay my vengence upon thee. i had a dream last night/cause it looked just like a dream/i had a dream last night/but it looked unlike a dream �����butthole surfers < -- > |
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