she never mentions the word addiction~~~~~~
ruminations

~~~~~~2001-07-17

patriotism across the lands
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redniko*cubicle girl*kuinileti*boy-ashamed*beautifulson*torrez*the fool*the silence*blue kitten*ewige*reality is shy*spanklin*penguin queen*the darkness



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04/16/06*04/16/06b*04/16/06c*8/13/02*08/03/02 12:36 p.m.
so guess who i hung out with last night? yeah, surprise surprise...brian and zac and agatha and i all went to play rock and roll trivia downtown at t-stand. half the questions were 80s brit band questions and robbie wasnt there so we were lost. we left after the first round and played pool. another shocking turn of events, yes, i am aware. we played pretty decently except when it started getting down to actually ending a game. when the debs used to play, it was "how long can we make a dollar last?" we laughed hysterically when we saw the sign that said "this table is being videotaped for securtiy purposes." we figured someone was having quite the laugh at our foolishness. and last night we laughed and laughed. i would jump the ball off the table and we would laugh. zac would jump the ball off the table and we would laugh. both the guys ogled agatha and her perfect body and admired the fact that she wasnt wearing a bra and she was freezing. and i tried very hard not to be petty and jealous, which we all know is very hard since by nature, i am a very jealous person. and very competitive. and being around her with those guys makes me feel like the 3rd wheel. even though there are 4 of us. or the tag-along. or i dont really know, but i dont like it and i know its my problem and i'm working on it.


brian told me all about this chick he had a blind date with on fri. name's ashley. she, apparently, is perfect. tiny waist, olive skin, brunette, blue eyes, tig ole bitties...she shares his taste in music, movies, cars, she rides horses, she loves pool. as brian put it, she is all his best friends compatible. and according to the person who set them up, she really liked him too. i'm really happy for him because goddamn, i was beginning to think i was gonna have to throw him off a bridge he was getting so depressed. and when he's happy like this he says such sweet things to me. i dont understand people who put the fate of their happiness in other people's hands. i like having a boyfriend (or at least i think i do, its been so long...), ya know, having someone to share things with and go out with and kiss and hold and be sappy and all that, but i am perfectly capable of doing things without a boy. obviously, or else i wouldve never lasted this long. i kept trying to tell brian that he's not gonna start attracting nice healthy girls unless he is healthy and happy with himself first. it sounds hokey, but i do believe its true. you receive the kind of energy you emit. if you act desperate, you'll find people who want to take advantage of that desperation. nobody wants to be around someone who's depressed all the time. and brian was tryin to tell me last night he doesnt forget about his friends when he gets involved with a girl. and all i said was robyn. for 6 months, i only got 2 calls from him. this from the boy who calls me at least once a week. but give him a girl and watch him become houdini. we were talking about aaron and jill. he doesnt call anyone, he doesnt go out, he is whipped in the truest non-literal sense of the word. when they went out to dinner before nicole and brian zavitts' wedding, he actually asked her what he could have for dinner. i dont want to be my boy's mother. it drives me nuts when people are like that. grow up, get a spine, and pretend like you are your own person. geez.


ok, something else i dont understand...this hasnt happened to me recently, but its always puzzled me. if you meet a guy, make it obvious youd like to sleep with him and arent interested in anything further, why wont they call you back to hook up again? guys are always talkin about getting laid, so it seems to me if you'd like to find someone to just have a sexual relationship with, they jump at the chance. i havent seen the boy rule book, but from what i understand, it doesnt frown on sleeping with the same person twice. am i wrong?


i know, we are, we are the lucky ones.
�����-bif naked

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